Rediscovering what matters to me & how life has changed.

Initially, reading the first draft of this blog post, I will say it myself, it bored me to tears. I scanned over it a few times, and I nearly fell asleep. All I could see was the old me. Someone who would apologise for not blogging for a while. Someone who felt they owed the world an explanation for taking some time out. The girl who felt guilty for calling herself a blogger, when I haven’t written a single sentence since May. Yes, I have not wrote a post for a while, but I am no longer going to apologise for my absence.

My blog. My rules. 

The last six months I have been doing a lot of searching, getting to know myself again. Asking myself what truly makes me happy and finding out what turns me on. I felt so lost before, so alone and I had no idea what I really wanted from my life. My blog was the last thing on my mind.

I ended a seven year, nearly eight year, relationship. Discovered a part of myself I really did not like and knew that I had to change. Moving back to Ibiza, I realised it gave me a chance to rediscover who I am.

A handful of spiritual and self help books, a yoga mat and some headspace later. I feel like a whole new person. Me, just better. Sounds so cliché? Doesn’t it? Going on a spiritual journey of self discovery. Making time every day for meditation, a little yoga, gratitude and my list of affirmations. It all sounds so “out there” when I write it down. Yet, it works, and it keeps on working.

And now, I know what matters to me. The most.

My happiness comes first. Not yours.

Being a little selfish, that is okay.

We are not destined to please every human.

I no longer care about statistics, followers, likes, love hearts, comments.

I’ll do me, and you do you.

I was stuck in a hard place of wanting to make blogging my full time career and yet also knowing deep down it isn’t for me. I am not cut out to be a super blogger, and that is okay. I love creating content, taking pretty photos and trying out new beauty products. I love all of that and more when it comes to blogging. I just don’t wish to do this full time. The pressure I was putting on myself, to keep up with those around me, has evaporated. I can breathe again.

Blogging is changing, has changed, and as a social media manager, I understand how difficult it is now to grow as a blogger. There is so much more negativity, so much more competition and jealousy. It is a fierce industry. As I took a back seat for a while, I no longer felt the need to check all of my social accounts, continuously. Yet when I did, all I saw were tweets about how the struggle is real and how Instagram is broken; how YouTube is a joke. I totally appreciate a lot of us bloggers make their full time career on these statistics, without them what would pay the bills, and I would never ever take that away from them. It just saddens me blogging has come to this. Close friends of mine are huge bloggers and I marvel at how they continuously graft at their art. I just realised, that none of that is for me. I don’t want to write a blog and worry that I am not big enough or good enough, or that I am not getting enough attention. I just want to work at my own pace, and feel content with that.

I have also realised that even though I love beauty products and don’t fret, I can still chew your ear off for hours on end about your skincare routine and my latest makeup haul. I actually could not care less about new launches, or the glossy magazines, or which Kardashian is wearing what foundation. Don’t get me wrong, I love trying out new products, but I am not going to get involved in every piece of hype surrounding every launch in the beauty world. I think that is why I was losing touch with my blog. I always wanted this blog to be a true representation of me, and I was slowly losing interest in everything I was writing about. I needed more.

I spend most of my days without makeup on. I feel uncomfortable in foundation. I have a new obsession with SPF. I refuse to buy a copy of Vogue or Elle magazine now, because I never bloody read them, and I would rather read about my well being and new yoga poses. I get annoyed every time another makeup brand sells out to China. And above all of this, I just feel like none of it makes me feel fulfilled anymore?

I still work as a make-up artist and I still love buying makeup. I just did the most amazing Cult Beauty skincare order and for sure, I will share that with you. However, I feel like this blog will move in a new direction, as have I. I hope you can stick along with me.

Ibiza is where my heart is now, and my news? I am not coming home. This is my home now. 

This island has truly helped my heart expand and fall in love with what really makes me happy.

I love being by the sea, I crave to learn at least 3 different languages. I want to travel so much more. My body and what I fuel it with holds so much more importance in my life now. How strong I am and how far I can run, these things matter. My family, my friendships and making more time for them, that matters. Not being on my phone, all the time, that matters. I want to experience things, without a lens, and without the need to share it online. I want to overcome my fears and be the best person I could possibly be. I also want to paint and draw, again. I want to write my first novel. I want to start playing the piano all over again. All of these things are possible, anything is possible when you put your mind to it.

Before I was shadowed in pressure, and self doubt, and worry. Now. I still have moments, but without a doubt I am happier just figuring out this exciting new life for myself. Making more time for just little old me, taking each day as it comes. Life is good.

 

I’ll check in again with you soon. Bye for now.

 

  • Tara

    Very inspiring read on my day off Zoe. Spot on in a lot of ways. The constant need to compare ourselves and feel we need to give and do more until we are almost broken is what turns the days into years before we know it and have even stopped to enjoy the moment we are in. This is certainly what Ibiza is teaching me…and Iv only been here 3 months!
    Thank you for writing so honestly and allowing me to take stock…sit back and consider if I’m living for me or for others currently.

    • Thanks so much for your comment Tara! A pleasure to have a reader also here in Ibiza 🙂 I hope you enjoy your time here, it really is my favourite place. xxx

  • Emily Hammond

    Absolutely loved this! I’ve just started my own blog after years of being too scared to do it and admittedly, I’m feeling pressure! To post regularly, to take pretty pictures, to come up with new ideas, to gain a following – the list goes on. However, reading this was such a pleasant reminder that I really am just writing my blog, for me! I don’t want, or need, to feel any sort of pressure and totally taking on your mantra – my blog, my rules ?

    http://www.emilyedit.blogspot.co.uk

  • Paul Smith

    I really enjoy your posts and pictures. Keep the good work up baby.
    Paul from gabegottes

  • I’m so happy and proud for you, and this is totally inspiring <3 The pressure we face not only from others but ourselves is madness sometimes, and I'm so glad you're finding balance – teach me how!

    Lauren x
    Britton Loves | Lifestyle Beauty Wellbeing

  • What a great post! It’s amazing that you’ve been able to come to term with so many things even if it’s the ‘opposite’ of what most people want and do. The fact that you don’t want to be a full time blogger, nor buy magazines or live into the hype of a new product release. Good on you! Wishing you the best with your new start!!

    https://thedianaedition.com